You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
