you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
