I bet he comes in French.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
