I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
