i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
