just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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