Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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