He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
