I wish I could punch you in the face.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
