Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
