Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
