wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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