I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
