He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
