I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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