just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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