i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
