She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So vagazzling was a success
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
