yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
