no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
