youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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