I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
