you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
