Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
