I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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