Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
