So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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