He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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