Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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