I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So much rum. So many feels.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
