she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
