just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
