We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
