Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
