nut hugger
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
