She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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