We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
