I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
