So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
