im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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