don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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