Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he shaved USA in his pubs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
