doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
