Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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