I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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