I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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