I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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