Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
