she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
