That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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