I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
