I want to stick my p in your. b.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
